My Son is a recovering heroin addict. I have never been through anything so heartbreaking; something that takes everything, giving you nothing in return but pain, sadness and questioning what you could have done to see it coming or what you missed- By the time I knew what was going on my Son had been using Heroin with his girlfriend for a few months. My son has a auto immune disorder, this made a bad situation even worse, the worry and toll it has taken out on not just me and my Son but our entire family.
My son was stealing from us, he stole from his employer, he lied to everyone about his using, looking back I think may have even lied to himself. My son said his reason for using was it made him feel normal, his auto immune had caused several hospitalizations, lost a lot of weight, had become very anemic. Prior to his diagnosis of this auto immune disorder he was a very active 18 year old, had a full time job, went to school, worked out at the gym daily.
I didn't recoginze the signs or symptoms of Heroin, I had never seen anyone on it, had never really much exposure to it. I found out and of course my world came crashing down. I have never felt so much sadness, anger, scared, shame. I tried for awhile to keep him living at home, randomly drug testing him, being aware of who he was with and limiting time away from home. This did not work, this created a full time job for myself. I couldn't sleep, could not concentrate, really didn't care much about my job, my life, everything now was about my son and saving him.
I soon realized this was a lot bigger then me giving my son ground rules. I had done my homework on heroin buy this time, I knew what to watch for. And unfortunately I saw first hand what it is like to see someone high on it. I then gave my son a choice to leave or enter treatment. He chose treatment. The treatment consisted of 28 days in patient hospitilation. I visited him several times during treatment and prayed it would work.
My Son returned home after treatment, this didn't last long. I found that he and girlfried were using again together. I gave him three chances to quit using or leave our home. On the fourth time I said he had to leave. This was the hardest thing I have done in my life, I knew he had no where to go, I knew he would use more with out me watching him, I was scared to death his using was going to cause more harm to his autoimmune disorder. I was scared more then anything he would die. At this time I started seeing a counselor, I couldn't sleep thru the night, I was going thru the motions everyday but not really present.
My son then went to live with his fellow user girlfriend, this lasted about two weeks. In this two weeks I made it point to call his girlfriends parents, told them everything. They had no idea the drug use was going on. Prior to this addiction, I had treated this girl like one of my own, had so many talks with her, we talked about everything, She had given me her word on numerous occasions she would never do drugs with him due to his health- this betrayal was also very heartbreaking, I now feel nothing but rage and anger.
My son has been clean for about two months now. He has lost a lot, he is no longer seeing the girl with whom he used. He is living with another family member, I could not go through anymore, to this day I do feel guilty that I no longer allow my own son to live in my home- While I am so happy and so hopeful he has truly decided to change his life, I reached a point where I mentally could no longer deal with addiction. It caused so many tears, so much stress and sadness.
My son was stealing from us, he stole from his employer, he lied to everyone about his using, looking back I think may have even lied to himself. My son said his reason for using was it made him feel normal, his auto immune had caused several hospitalizations, lost a lot of weight, had become very anemic. Prior to his diagnosis of this auto immune disorder he was a very active 18 year old, had a full time job, went to school, worked out at the gym daily.
I didn't recoginze the signs or symptoms of Heroin, I had never seen anyone on it, had never really much exposure to it. I found out and of course my world came crashing down. I have never felt so much sadness, anger, scared, shame. I tried for awhile to keep him living at home, randomly drug testing him, being aware of who he was with and limiting time away from home. This did not work, this created a full time job for myself. I couldn't sleep, could not concentrate, really didn't care much about my job, my life, everything now was about my son and saving him.
I soon realized this was a lot bigger then me giving my son ground rules. I had done my homework on heroin buy this time, I knew what to watch for. And unfortunately I saw first hand what it is like to see someone high on it. I then gave my son a choice to leave or enter treatment. He chose treatment. The treatment consisted of 28 days in patient hospitilation. I visited him several times during treatment and prayed it would work.
My Son returned home after treatment, this didn't last long. I found that he and girlfried were using again together. I gave him three chances to quit using or leave our home. On the fourth time I said he had to leave. This was the hardest thing I have done in my life, I knew he had no where to go, I knew he would use more with out me watching him, I was scared to death his using was going to cause more harm to his autoimmune disorder. I was scared more then anything he would die. At this time I started seeing a counselor, I couldn't sleep thru the night, I was going thru the motions everyday but not really present.
My son then went to live with his fellow user girlfriend, this lasted about two weeks. In this two weeks I made it point to call his girlfriends parents, told them everything. They had no idea the drug use was going on. Prior to this addiction, I had treated this girl like one of my own, had so many talks with her, we talked about everything, She had given me her word on numerous occasions she would never do drugs with him due to his health- this betrayal was also very heartbreaking, I now feel nothing but rage and anger.
My son has been clean for about two months now. He has lost a lot, he is no longer seeing the girl with whom he used. He is living with another family member, I could not go through anymore, to this day I do feel guilty that I no longer allow my own son to live in my home- While I am so happy and so hopeful he has truly decided to change his life, I reached a point where I mentally could no longer deal with addiction. It caused so many tears, so much stress and sadness.
I believe once an addict makes his/her mind up to be done with the drug it will happen- for this to happen ties have to be cut from fellow users, this was the hardest part for my son to realize, he does see it now. Hope, Prayer, Faith and Love are the ingrediants to getting through such living hell. But it can be done.
Annonymous
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